Sunday, February 28, 2021

Comment Wall

 


Comment Wall 


Zodiac Sky (Source: Pixabay )


Hello, readers! Feel free to leave any constructive criticism or comment you'd like! Thank you for reading! 

Storybook website: King Arthur and The Star Quest






12 comments:

  1. Howdy Lauren!
    To be completely honest with you, the biggest reason I clicked through to your story book was because Arthur is the name of the main character of a video game I'm playing right now, but after reading, it was definitely the right choice!! Your intro is excellent! The brief paragraph of exposition followed by dropping us right into the middle of things (or "in media res" as I would say if I was a snobby art critic) works wonderfully at setting the tone and immediately locking the reader in. You give just enough information that the reader knows what's going on, but still withhold enough information that they're left clamoring for more and are ready to jump straight into Arthur's dialogue to look for it. I'm also interested by your choice of knights. Lancelot is a given, and Gawain is pretty popular as well, but I'm surprised you chose Gareth over someone like Percival or Tristan. I presume the reasoning behind these three knights being chosen will be revealed over the course of your stories, and I can't wait to read them and find out!

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  2. Hi Lauren, I think your website is beautiful! It feels very regal and the art you have chosen to be a header and also a beautiful Irish countryside. I initially chose to look over your storybook because I love the stars and I also feel like I know a decent amount about King Arthur that maybe I would kind of know the stories. I love how you started your introduction out in a way that draws the reader in. The way you wrote in the way these characters would most likely speak and address one another was really helpful to getting the reader to fully be immersed in the story. I think you did an excellent job of setting these characters up, and I am interested to see what you will make of the three actual stories! I wonder what will happen! I will definitely check back to see when you have updated to make sure and read what happens :)

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  3. Hi Lauren!
    Your website is is very neat and goes well with your theme! I was excited to get your storybook as one to read and comment on because I like the topic of King Arthur.If I am being honest though, I have not read about King Arthur in quite sometime (like since high school four years ago). But I would like to read more about this so your storybook is a great option for me to read. Your introduction seems great and it really drew me into wanting to read more. The introduction was also very informative and let me know how things were going to play out. You described the characters very well and I am excited to see your stories play out and what you characters will set out to do. Great work!

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  4. Great story! King Arthur is a classic, and I'm excited to see your approach to telling its story. You did an excellent job setting up the motivation for the McGuffin! I always like having a bit of mystery. We know it's a weapon of great power, but what is it exactly? How is it used? Can its power be controlled? These are the questions that hooked me into wanting to know more about the Ignis Magnus and the story as a whole! For an introduction, I think you did a great job of giving the reader just enough information without qualifying this as its own full part of the story.

    I'm looking forward to reading the continuations of this story and the other aspects of astronomy that they will bring! Maybe they could be part of the trials? Or we could see some of the constellations testing or even assisting King Arthur and his companions. Either way, good luck, and happy writing!

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  5. Hi Lauren! I'm not sure where you found the picture you included as your banner and homepage image, but it fits your Storybook perfectly! After reading the Introduction, I was especially impressed by your use of dialogue, because it seemed like a realistic conversation. I also thought you did an excellent job of weaving in the definitions of characters and objects from the original legend into your story--as someone who isn't completely familiar with all things King Arthur, those definitions were helpful to me. One thing that I was confused about was why the voices said that King Arthur and his men weren't as righteous and just as they thought they were. I wasn't sure that there was enough evidence in the story to suggest that was true or not yet. Just something to think about for future editions to your Storybook! I'm definitely excited to see where the story goes next. Great work so far!

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  6. Hi Lauren,
    In case it was not obvious from my choice of pseudonym, I am a fan of the Arthurian mythos. This seems like a really neat story so far, and I am excited to see where it goes. Did you know the Pleiades is one of the few constellations that has stories across multiple cultures? Oddly, despite being a cluster of six stars, most myths about them have the number seven in them (like the seven daughters of Atlas). I wonder, are you going to make the trials retellings of some of the Arthurian myths? Most of them do have trials for the knights to overcome in them already, so you certainly could. When I saw that Sir Gawain was going to be in this story I immediately thought of his encounter with the Green Knight. Interestingly, while that is Sir Gawain’s most well-known story, he does sort of fail that trial. I am excited to see the direction you go with him, especially since the characterization of the knights is often conflicting between stories.

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  7. Hi Lauren, I love this storybook! The things you chose to write about, combining Arthurian legend with astrology and Greek mythology, are so creative. You did a great job transporting the reader to a magical other time with your imagination. I don't have much background knowledge about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round table, but your writing characterized them really well so I feel like I understand their backgrounds and personalities without needing lots of extra detail in the author's notes. You might want to read over the intro and first story again because I noticed a couple typos, but overall your writing style was great, especially the dialogue. I like your idea to depict an internal character struggle with pride. That can be really hard to do in such a short story without oversimplifying things, since feelings like pride are so complex. Because this is Arthur’s main character flaw, you might want to emphasize a little more how difficult it is for him to let go of his pride. Overall great job, I’m glad this appeared in my randomizer and I’ll definitely be checking back to see new stories!

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  8. Hey Lauren,
    "King Arthur and the Star Quest" is currently a great developing story! I just read the Intro and King Arthur's Test, and I'm curious to know where this quest goes next. I had a feeling we might see King Arthur be defeated because, as a king, maybe he has become too full of himself (too confident or prideful, if you will). So I thought it was very fitting when he ultimately had to swallow his pride and then overcome it in order to win the battle - it was a great character arc.
    The images you included compliment the story pretty well. I can't even begin to think of what "6th century AD Camelot" looks like, so a simple picture of an old-timey castle does a lot to help me with the imagery in this story. Although I am not familiar with the story, I do know that King Arthur is a popular tale. Are there images/paintings of King Arthur and his men, that way we can visualize our main characters even better? A picture like this would be the icing on the cake, in my opinion!

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  9. Hi Lauren!

    First off I wanted to comment on your actual blog, it looks amazing and is so colorful. I've never seen a story of King Arthur and the stars to it was interesting to see that mixed together. I think reading about the lion was kind of cool because it showed how much it humbled Arthur. I almost wish Arthur would've been wounded though in a way where the fight was harder for him? It would've been interesting to see like something first hand done to him that humbled him, but he still won the fight. I loved the ending of the first story where it's left as somewhat of a mystery and he isn't allowed to tell anyone about it. You have a great story in the works right now! I like it!!

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  10. Hello Lauren. I just finished reading your introduction and first story, and I really enjoyed it. I like how you decided to do it over King Arthur as I think that it is a very interesting story with many different variations. My favorite being Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I also liked how you told the story. The dialogue was very effective in telling the reader what was happening. I also felt like the dialogue helped to explain the traits of each of the characters. I also like how you had King Arthur have to compete in trials to prove he was worthy in order to obtain the weapon. I also like the vivid descriptions you give the characters. For example, the way you describe the scene where King Arthur meets the nymphs was very easy to imagine since you had good descriptions. Overall a great introduction to your stories and I look forward to reading the rest of what you write.

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  11. Hi Lauren, I really enjoyed reading your intro and first story of your project! Your intro did a fantastic job of creating the setting of the story and introducing some of the characters that will be present throughout the story. I also really enjoyed the dialogue between the characters in the introduction as it helped the reader to see the characters personality at the beginning of the story. One thing that I think would be helpful to include in your author’s note for your intro would be a link to that website that you mention in the author’s note. I believe that it would be helpful to people that may not be familiar with the characters beforehand and would like to learn more about them. As for your first story, I really enjoyed all the action going on and your way of describing it. The details really made it feel like I was watching the fight in real time and that background music is a wonderful added touch. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your project and I am excited to see what’s to come.

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  12. Hey Lauren,
    I am new to your storybook and I am absolutely enamored! I am also a massive fan of Arthur's tales and am even more so with your telling of them. You did an amazing job of world building, which can be very difficult when there is a already a precedent of a world existing like the world of Arthur. You did an exceptional job of immersing the reader in the plight of the moment, feeling the emotions of those involved, and explaining the greater relevance of this story in each moment. This week we are supposed to critique the Author's Notes, but your are exceptional. They do an amazing job of showing the reader where you were in your thought process as you created every story point. You cited ideas very well and drew the correlation lines between seemingly-unrelated points. The only question I did have, for any aspect of the story, is if there was a mythological precedent for this Star Weapon? Did it exist in some story I am not familiar with, or was it purely your own creation? Overall, loved the story and am excited to see where it will be going!

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